I have drafted and re-drafted this post in an attempt to articulate my thoughts - but it’s been fairly difficult and sometimes downright conflicting.Two incidents over the past week had made me question the development of female equality. Now, I have never admitted to be a feminist, I enjoy the occasional male chivalry and being pampered as a female species. I don’t mind having to pay my half of the household bills, and I believe that with or without a husband/bf, I would still be able to support myself and be happy.I even enjoy bending the rules by batting my eyelashes. But the two incidents over the past week had made me rethink about how far have we really come as a sex.

Case 1:
Some girls are brought up to depend to men for everything. They believe that they are able to manipulate any men by just the simple fact that they are pretty; personality not required. They believe that their beauty will get them the ‘best’ man; i.e. the richest, best looking, treat them best ect. They also believe that they will stand behind their man, and not side by side.

In the same train of thought, we had a shocking discovery last week of a friend that admitted at last in wanting an expensive wedding, paid for by her supposedly well-off boyfriend -> how he treats her or how their relationship is developing is irrelevant. What was most important to her was that she believe that she would be able to upgrade her life (to a stay-at-home tai tai I guess) once she manages to manipulate him to matrimony.She also believed that irregardless of how damaging their relationship had been or the fact that she had continued ‘hunting’ for better prey, it is just logical that the next step for him is to spend all his money on marrying her.

What really got to me was that she felt so strongly about ‘marrying upwards’ and that at her ripe age (a little younger than me), she is unable to wait any longer for a lifetime commitment. I know her requirements for a partner had always been high, but I had always questioned her attitute to men that her beauty surpasses everything. Unless you’re close to her, she has the personality of a limpet, an attitute of an ignorant peasant woman and a very showy(branded items) front. She basically blow every chance that life had given her to ‘upgrade’ her life i.e. education, better career ect. And at the moment she is just like a cake sitting in the window, waiting to be sold off.

At the moment, I am not even sure if she’s ever loved this poor guy she’s trying to entrap or is she just ticking off a box that says he is rich.

Why do women marry for the sake of money & status (i.e. being MRS DR XXX) , and what will posess them to be so helplessly useless?

Case 2:
I recently met up with someone I have known for ages, yes, right here in the UK. We have never hung out together, so she wouldn’t appear on my list of call-a-friend if I ever appear on Who wants to be a millionaire. Being related makes us ‘friends’, and makes me a must-meet -up person. But I digress

She popped over to Leeds to meet up with me with a guy ‘FRIEND’. Now, I have guy friends as well,and for most part, I think I have more guy friends compared to female friends. Just look at the who’s who on my bacherlorette party. However, when we go out as friends, we either take turns to pay or go dutch; after all, we are all trying to earn a living here. Unless you’re PenangKia, in which case you secretly pay my bill even if you did not have a drink.

This guy friend of her (which she had known for a few months), upon meeting us (me & bacon) for the first time an hour ago, proceeded to pay for our dinners. I was fairly uncomfortable with that, as I do not know him well, and from what I know, he was not well-paid in his job (he incidentaly works in the same company as bacon, and we were able to guess his salary from his job title) .What shocked me most was that SHE did not offer to pay at all. Neither did another friend of hers that tagged along. Upon further discussions (no, I did NOT interrogated her, just surfaced in our conversation) I realized that he pays for her most of the time, if not all the time.And they go out to eat at least a couple of times a week. If you’ve been reading my blog, you would had realized that I sometimes feel I am eating away all my salary - and that’s with me and bacon mostly taking turns.

The key here is that she has a bf back home, whom she is apparently planning to marry next year.

The matching database key also says that he is treating her like they are an item, paying for everything and going out with her for restaurant meals, taking time off to go shopping with her.

And the SQL (I am such a geek) statement produces the answer that this is a relationship

HOWEVER, she (and her other friend - female) also allowed me to pay for drinks ect. without lifting a finger to help me carry them nor a penny to pay towards the drinks. Which I don’t really mind doing for her, seeing that we’re related and all, but her other friend (female) who just sits there sponging off strangers, I find a little strange.

It is also extremely disturbing to me that they sponge off this guy endlessly and just expects him to pay for all their food ect even though they have not known him long.

They incidentaly also sponged off bacon by not offering to pay him anything when he got their drinks in. Bear in mind they had not met him before.

I don’t wish to pick on small token sums of money. I willingly pay for friends and people I love,but I will not be taken for a sui yee (turtle) by people I dont know.

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How far have we really come from the 1950s where the man is expected to bring back the bacon, and the woman is just supposed to not contribute nor have any ambitions other than to snare a rich man?

I am extremely dissapointed.

Its been one year since I was sweating buckets in what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life..

We are so romantic,I forgot all about it until I started receiving happy anninversary cards .Happy anninversary bacon,sorry I did not get you a card or gift. I can barely remember your birthday,how am I supposed to remember two anniversaries!?

I don’t usually post on weekends,my laptop keyboard is not too happy and i usually end up typing like a 7 year old spelling bee.But I shall interrupt my weekend for this post whilst it is still fresh in my mind.

It has been ages since I had met someone blatantly racist ignorant painfully lame pathetic stupid. Now, bacon grew up being neighbours with this guy A. He is a little older than him,which makes him crawling towards 40.Today, whilst we were at the outlaws, A was outside his house as he saw the fil - and asked for bacon (it was a family gathering thingy today). As Bacon headed out, I asked the rest who is this A fella, I had never seen him before…and got varying looks of disgust and random shakes of head with the occasionnal ‘he’s harmless’.So I went out to have a look.

As I was nearing bacon and A chatting by the back fence, I heard snippets of conversation that A had gotten engaged with a Philipino chick. Upon being introduced as mrs. bacon, A asked Bacon if he was as sick of white woman as he is, with their endless nagging ect ect….I was completely incensed I could not say a thing. He continued by insisting that Bacon did the same as what he did, went over to Asia ‘to fall in love’. I was getting extremely insulted,and walked off to look at some pretty flower (it was a really nice day today), and when I turned back he was asking bacon how on earth did I get my visa ect ect. Without a problem at all, I interrupted. I do not need a visa to come to this country, in fact, it is my plan to go home. He was mildly shocked, asking (again, directing the question to bacon) why do I not need one. I answered again, that Malaysia and Philiphines are not the same country, we do not need visas to most countries as we do not do runners.Okay, that sounded mildly racist of me, but at that moment, I was getting extremely insulted of him equating me with his chick, as I had (correctly) suspected his chick of being a mail order bride.

I got the whole story after that…read on if you are interested:).You read this in the newspapers and online but never think of meeting someone actually doing it.

His parents divorced about 10 years ago, apparently his mom left his dad because she got involved with some religion which I shall not name, and wanted to give away every penny she owned to it. Very strange.Anyway, Dad was so hurt that he signed up for ‘love tours’ to Manila, and married a 25 year old not long after the trip ( I think she is 25 now, so around 20 that time?) . Seeing that A is about 40,I think that dad should be around 60?Anyway, they’ve popped one out now,and the boy is around 3 or 4.

A has always been a failure with girls due to his intense creepiness. Thus, his dad has been bringing A to Philiphines for the past few years, introducing the son to love tours of bars and red light districts conducted by himself, the 60 year old stud. Apparently A could not forget the first chick he met, and is now therefore ‘engaged’. Another thought that the family planted in my head is that he has always been weird and when I casually mentioned that maybe he fell and cracked his skull they replied it was something like that -the creepiness not the mail order bride.

My questions:

1) Why do ’some’ westerners still assume that all asian women are submissive,demure,obedient and doll-like?
2) Why do some asian women reinforce that belief?
3) How lame can you get to say that all western women are fat nagging rude asses?
4) I find that men with Yellow fever absolutely disgusting- the same that I find women with only a persuasion for white men disgusting. Does anyone feel the same or is having white/yellow fever absolutely normal, like what A was trying to say to his buddy Bacon?
5) First impressions, when people see me with Bacon, especially in KL, I always get dirty stares like as if I am some sarong party girl (a malaysian/singaporean term coined to denote those girls only picking up white men in bars ).I fucking hate that, like as if there is a need to prove our relationship was completely normal.WHY DO PEOPLE DO THAT!
6) On the other hand, Bacon has been ‘congratulated’ by people in his good taste in women, and that I will apparently ’serve him well’. WTF is that?

a semi-related post that I did 1.5 years ago on the same topic..

From time to time, I read blogs by people that i don’t usually read, and it’s usually through links of those that are on my blogroll. I don’t really enjoy them, but its for the times when I am bored out of my mind. Some end up being on my blogroll because I end up reading them more than once a week and enjoy them tremendously(see new additions to my links).

One of the blogs I read occasionally belong to a married woman with 2 kids.A week ago (I think) she posted that single people who thinks that they are happy are in denial. She also thinks that if you think you are single and can depend on your friends, you are just denying your friends the chance to hook up and NOT be single. You are thus pathetic and a sore loser by proclaiming that you are happy being single.

I seem to think that I have quite an ‘authority’ on this topic - aherm. I am obviously not jealous of her married status and her happiness in being married. I think marriage should not be the be all and end all. It is the solidification of the commitment you have with someone and an agreement that even though he farts in bed and leaves his socks everywhere, you would still like to be together with this person. If one day your other half cannot stand it any longer, marriage over, no need to dwell on it and stay in a relationship just to have someone miserable to spend the rest of your life with.I also feel, and tell me if I am wrong, that I am no less of a friend to the people who are important to me whether or not I am single. It is a union of two persons, not one half of a person. Just because I am married does not mean we’ve morphed into siamese twins. True, I might have more time to kau jai (seduce men) with the girls if I am single, but other than that, I do not see myself having no time for my friends (distance notwithstanding ok).

I have many, many single friends. Many smugly-married seemed to have choose their married status over friends. I believe that my utter trust in decisions my friends make and my ability to stand by them irregardless is the reason why I keep friends. I can say that if any of them (single friends) choose to hook up with tom,dick or harry just TO BE MARRIED and IN A RELATIONSHIP, they can. In fact, most of them are actually quite *cough*hot*cough*. But they choose to be single. And I believe that they are happy in the single state. Heck, if you do not choose to be single, I don’t think you would have the space to know yourself well enough to love someone else. Unless you know and love yourself, I do not believe that you are able to love someone else. I chose to be single once, a long long time ago,because I knew I needed it. It was a scary process (resulting in a tattoo), but a nessacary one for me to discover who/what I want in life. And you know what? Those were the best days of my life. It might take you 10 years, it might take you 1 year, the process varies between people. But the bottom line is, you can still choose to be single AND happy.And no, it is not lame. In fact I think it is extremely commendable to choose to be single. Esp if you are single and NOT LOOKING. It is always better to not be in a relationship than to be in the wrong relationship for all the cliched reasons.

I know quoting her without linking her page is quite nonsensical since I am bitching posting about it, but this year my resolution is to be more zen;therefore no flaming.Besides, she did say that it is just solely her personal opinion.That did not stop many of her regular readers from leaving harsh comments anyway - some call her closeminded and ignorant. Its people like her that gives the coupled up a bad name - you all know that sort of couples,they stare smugly down at happy singletons. I know of many smugly coupled who feels/think the same as her - including my own parents. I do not blame the older generation - women were brought up to depend on men. We also, in this age in time, do not NEED a (marriage)license to screw, which was another one of her reasons.I sometimes wonder if she lives in the dark ages.And brandishing her christianity as part of the reason why people should get married - man, that is just not down with it.

But guys, do tell me - do you think it is OK choose to be single or do you (like her) think that God created Adam & Eve (which in the first place I am not even christian:)) and thus if you are single you are pathetic and lame?Or worse, desparately in denial ?

The day that all men dread and all women love is tomorrow - how quick was that?

I had never been a big fan of valentines’ day. One year my car got stolen. One year I had dinner at a posh restaurant - my exbf was there as well with me,but he was doing the cooking instead of eating with me. I even helped out by going around the restaurant taking pictures for lovebirds to keep as a token of their celebration. Last year I stayed at home alone whilst bacon went off to a football match. So I would count the men that I had been with extremely lucky that I had never demanded anything for Valentine’s day! Not only that, I don’t even sulk if they don’t see me. Now, are you in love with me yet?

Marcus did a list of things that elcheapo men can do for their other halves for valentines day. Being an elcheapo , here are suggestions of what a girl can do for her man for valentines day whilst still keeping her shoe fund full:

1.Let him go out with his mates. Yes, on Valentine’s day. Trust me, he’ll love you for it. All the lovey dovey that is bound to happen on this commercialized lovers night will make him miss you more and he’ll probably can’t wait to tear your clothes off when he gets back.

2. Buy sexy lingerie. Put sexy lingerie on. Tie bow. Pose on bed. Tip: If too poor, wrap body in cheesecloth.

3. Pop porn into tv. Pop corn into microwave. Remove. Butter. Enjoy. (add champagne if needed. If feeling too cheap, sparking water)

4. Watch sports on tv with him. Any sports. It seldom matters whether it is lawn bowling, curling or rugby.Provide beer.

5. Buy him a cactus instead of flowers this Valentine’s day. It’s a bloke plant(minimal attention, pokey macho needles) and it looks less gay and a dozen of deep red roses.

6. Go out by yourself. Spend time with your girl friends, single or not. Get a manicure, get a haircut, go for some decadent food. They will love you for it and so would he - excuse for not having to act like a lovelorn puppy is good enough for him.

No doubt tomorrow the roads will be filled wtih lovelorn lovers with big bunches of flowers and chocolates and the restaurants will be filled with men obligated to stare into their lovers eyes all night before splashing out half a month’s salary on a meal of grass and a silver of maet.I will be home, dying of jealousy.

Happy Valentine’s day elcheapos!

Moo’s post today had me reminiscing..I never thought I would be one of the first amongst my friends to tie the knot.Heck, three years ago I was going around telling everyone I was never going to get married.And I meant that as well…hoping to get angpows from them every single year, spending my life on a tropical island and runaway trips to different places every year.

Then disaster strike.Love finds you in the most unusual situation.I’ve always been the practitioner of ‘you don’t eat and shit at the same place’ and have been cautious of the relationships that I keep at work, always making sure that they are at arm’s length - something I’ve learnt through my short corporate career. Having being screwed up for being close friends with collegues,I’d figured it’s better to play outside the office. Then one day I heard an insane laughter tinkling through from the other side of the 3rd floor. A chuckle that sounds like it should be comming out from an insane cartoon show.Who is it I wonder?

We got thrown together by an audit that I was conducting on his section…and somehow or rather we started flirting big time over the keyboard. Everyday. I remember dreybee told me one day when I was updating her on the non-existent progress of the fishing expedition; ” You are like a cat, fishing every day waiting for a bite. Meow”. Good analogy, because we were both fishing but with no idea of:

a) if we can catch the fish
b) if we even want the fish
c) what are we going to do if the fish is caught?

This fishing expedition went on for more than two months..by which I had already started to reel my fishing line back due to the emergence of other fishes in the sea…hey, it gets boring after a while if it’s not going anywhere.The day after I decided to let the fish go, I felt a bite. And so I had to make up my mind if I wanted to reel this fish in or continue juggling the other fishes in the sea.

Even up to our first date, it was still quite undecided what do I do now that the fish has bitten. So crazily enough, I brought maggie along for our first dinner, because he wanted to bring a friend of his along for dinner. A GIRL. I know I am good in seeking out food, but what do you think I am, walking talking guidebook? And A GIRL at that.Wah LAU.

Anyway, he didn’t end up bringing THE GIRL, and maggie left us after dinner to our own devices. Which one thing lead to another and two weeks later we were off on our first holiday.Three weeks later he insisted that he wanted to meet my parents…which my parents were quite reluctant to have lunch with a white hairy stranger. Due to my battilion of male friends, they think of me as quite the playgirl (which of course, I wasn’t, at that time I had been single for more than 2 years!). So thinking that this was another notch on the bedpost, we all had dim sum in the elegant settings of the marriott hotel in clipped tones.

And then a month later we were off to Bali. Oh Bali. Where I was sick the first 6 days and he was sick the last 6 days. As in violently sickeningly sick. With fever and vomiting and the such. Wasn’t a very pretty sight for either of us but we trudged on exploring bali by feet and bouncing buses.Where as he laid vomiting in bed, I was picked up by another man by the swimming pool.Who kept calling my room and slamming down the phone when Bacon picked up.

A month later and all too soon it was time for him to leave for good. So before he leaves, we decided that we were going to go for another adventure trip, this time hitting penang-langkawi-bangkok. Day 3 at Penang, the tsunami strike and we had to run down 28 floors down from my parents’ seafront apartment. At 9am. I remember being asleep, and he waking me up screaming that the apartment is shaking. I asked him to shut up, until I noticed that the hangers were doing a jiggling act otherwise unnatural. And so we ran.

After the whole experienced died down, we crawled back into bed,getting ready for our boatride to langkawi later that afternoon. On the way to the jetty, the waves were so huge it splashed over our taxi to the other side fo the road. And I mentioned it was perfect weather for surfing, not knowing that the huge waves had swept away civilization in phuket.

We celebrated the dawn of 2005 together trying to get into Poppy,and he left me on the second day of the new year…not knowing when will we see each other again.

A little more than a month later, he came back to me for 20 hours, and we made a trip to Tiffany’s. I was asked to pick out a diamond, any diamond. Due to the whole surrealism of the situation, I did not realize what happened,until he rang his mom telling her that he’s bought me a special diamond. And the next day, we parted ways at KLIA again, with me heading off to Penang to conduct one last round of angpow collection.And again, I did not know when was I going to see him again.

We’ve come a long way baby.

shorttalk: Spelling mistakes on top form today- revised at 4.15pm