From time to time, I read blogs by people that i don’t usually read, and it’s usually through links of those that are on my blogroll. I don’t really enjoy them, but its for the times when I am bored out of my mind. Some end up being on my blogroll because I end up reading them more than once a week and enjoy them tremendously(see new additions to my links).
One of the blogs I read occasionally belong to a married woman with 2 kids.A week ago (I think) she posted that single people who thinks that they are happy are in denial. She also thinks that if you think you are single and can depend on your friends, you are just denying your friends the chance to hook up and NOT be single. You are thus pathetic and a sore loser by proclaiming that you are happy being single.
I seem to think that I have quite an ‘authority’ on this topic – aherm. I am obviously not jealous of her married status and her happiness in being married. I think marriage should not be the be all and end all. It is the solidification of the commitment you have with someone and an agreement that even though he farts in bed and leaves his socks everywhere, you would still like to be together with this person. If one day your other half cannot stand it any longer, marriage over, no need to dwell on it and stay in a relationship just to have someone miserable to spend the rest of your life with.I also feel, and tell me if I am wrong, that I am no less of a friend to the people who are important to me whether or not I am single. It is a union of two persons, not one half of a person. Just because I am married does not mean we’ve morphed into siamese twins. True, I might have more time to kau jai (seduce men) with the girls if I am single, but other than that, I do not see myself having no time for my friends (distance notwithstanding ok).
I have many, many single friends. Many smugly-married seemed to have choose their married status over friends. I believe that my utter trust in decisions my friends make and my ability to stand by them irregardless is the reason why I keep friends. I can say that if any of them (single friends) choose to hook up with tom,dick or harry just TO BE MARRIED and IN A RELATIONSHIP, they can. In fact, most of them are actually quite *cough*hot*cough*. But they choose to be single. And I believe that they are happy in the single state. Heck, if you do not choose to be single, I don’t think you would have the space to know yourself well enough to love someone else. Unless you know and love yourself, I do not believe that you are able to love someone else. I chose to be single once, a long long time ago,because I knew I needed it. It was a scary process (resulting in a tattoo), but a nessacary one for me to discover who/what I want in life. And you know what? Those were the best days of my life. It might take you 10 years, it might take you 1 year, the process varies between people. But the bottom line is, you can still choose to be single AND happy.And no, it is not lame. In fact I think it is extremely commendable to choose to be single. Esp if you are single and NOT LOOKING. It is always better to not be in a relationship than to be in the wrong relationship for all the cliched reasons.
I know quoting her without linking her page is quite nonsensical since I am bitching posting about it, but this year my resolution is to be more zen;therefore no flaming.Besides, she did say that it is just solely her personal opinion.That did not stop many of her regular readers from leaving harsh comments anyway – some call her closeminded and ignorant. Its people like her that gives the coupled up a bad name – you all know that sort of couples,they stare smugly down at happy singletons. I know of many smugly coupled who feels/think the same as her – including my own parents. I do not blame the older generation – women were brought up to depend on men. We also, in this age in time, do not NEED a (marriage)license to screw, which was another one of her reasons.I sometimes wonder if she lives in the dark ages.And brandishing her christianity as part of the reason why people should get married – man, that is just not down with it.
But guys, do tell me – do you think it is OK choose to be single or do you (like her) think that God created Adam & Eve (which in the first place I am not even christian:)) and thus if you are single you are pathetic and lame?Or worse, desparately in denial ?
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Ho ho ho. I can see why she’d piss off some of her regular readers. Singles are self-delusional and pathetic? Woohoo. Figures that she is also a Christian.
Yes it is definitely ok to choose to be single. I rather be single than be in a hypocritical relationship where both parties aren’t happy but stay in it out of obligation or worse – religion.
At the same time, I can understand and share in the joys of a happy couple with or without children (I’m sure that’s another topic for the Christians to argue about), so long as they don’t look down on me. Not that I’d care because I won’t be their friend anymore if they did.
There’s one thing that maybe I’m desperate for, and it’s not marriage. And it is something that’s causing me to risk losing my eyesight or causing God to kill a kitten over. 
what pissed me off the most was the fact that there are many people like her, who thinks that they can look down on everyone else because they are so smug in their twosomes and it gives the coupled a bad name.
flagging religion is just so wrong.I can’t stand it when people use religion to back their closeminded points – its like honor killings in some muslim countries.It is unacceptable.
Grrr…
and stop playing ur computer games la.hahahaah!
Comment by sourrain 02.15.07 @ 8:36 amI think you did a really good job juggling both married life/hubby and your friends. The best part is, I don’t think I’ve ever felt neglected (hehe) or that you’ve changed! Still think you are more single that those single but attached gfs that I have! I know friends that once they’ve gotten hitched, everything about them is different. From their attire (haha) to the topic of discussion… almost like they have turn to entirely different person! Unbelievable.
I agree with Mooiness. I rather be single than to be a relationship that doesn’t work. And yes, one day I do want to get married but until then, enjoy singlehood (and whine about previous r/ships hehehe). Not everyone can be as lucky as you to find your perfect one, hor hor hor?
Comment by dreymer 02.15.07 @ 10:12 amaherm, thank you thank you.with our daily googletalk I sometimes feel I talk to you more than bacon.hahhaha. Best part is, he likes it that he don’t need to layan me.
yea, sometimes i feel that I’m like still single, which is quite nice lor.most people take relationships very seriously. Esp marriage. Everyone else in the world cease to exist when you have a bf.eeew.
attire wise I think most married women don’t care anymore what they wear;they’ve already landed their fish so they can let themselves go.I don’t agree with that at all..thus project fatbastard.
the thing is, marriage is not meant to be perfect.I think the main reason we got married is because we make each other laugh all the time, and i think it’s important.I think that couples that calls singles loser and pathetic are even more pathetic themselves.They just need the illusion of someone ‘less fortunate’ than themselves to make them feel better about themselves…drowning in nappies and not being able to go out with friends.
One thing la, I don’t go around brandishing the fact that I am happily married.Heck, if it wasnt for my rings, I think I sometimes forget that I am married.heh.
Comment by sourrain 02.15.07 @ 10:40 amLeave a comment